I’ve been receiving conflicting feedback on my back cover blurb, and I’d like to hear your opinion. Which approach would motivate you to buy this cozy mystery? Should I jump straight into the story description (ver. A) or start with an inspiring hook (ver. B)?
Version – A:
One snowy night, in the tiny Christmas-themed village of Dickens Station, Cheyenne Kachina’s cousin, Ryan Upchurch, is badly injured in an accident at his toy shop. From his hospital bed, Ryan begs Cheyenne to “protect the toy shop’s secret.” Then he lapses into a coma, launching Cheyenne on an adventure of mystery and intrigue, clues and decoys, secret rooms, elaborate mechanisms, and a tantalizing puzzle.
Cheyenne, a plucky loner who has overcome a life with no father, a disability that requires her to use forearm crutches to walk, and the recent loss of her mother, is no stranger to challenges. Her quest to discover the toy shop’s secret exposes her to the unfamiliar and uncomfortable worlds of family, friendship, and even romance. Cheyenne finds she must garner support from an eclectic cast, including many Dickens Stationers you know and love, plus an older Native American man who, according to the government, does not exist.
What happened to Ryan Upchurch and why? Who is the mysterious stranger, and what is The Toy Shop’s Secret? Find out in this, the second in a series of Dickens Station Cozy Mysteries.
Version – B:
The Toy Shop’s Secret, A Dickens Station Cozy Mystery, has been called a “roller coaster ride” propelling readers on a fast-paced adventure of mystery and intrigue, clues and decoys, secret rooms, elaborate mechanisms, and a tantalizing puzzle set in a charming Victorian Christmas-themed village.
One snowy night, Cheyenne Kachina’s cousin, Ryan Upchurch, is badly injured in an accident at his toy shop. From his hospital bed, Ryan begs Cheyenne to “protect the toy shop’s secret.” Then he lapses into a coma, thrusting Cheyenne into the unfamiliar roles of retailer and amateur sleuth.
Cheyenne is no stranger to challenges, having overcome a life with no father, a disability that requires her to use forearm crutches to walk, and the recent loss of her mother. Cheyenne finds she must garner support from an eclectic cast, including many Dickens Stationers you know and love, plus a man who, according to the government, does not exist.
What happened to Mr. Upchurch and why? Who is the mysterious stranger, and what is the toy shop’s secret? Find out by reading The Toy Shop’s Secret.
Thanks in advance for your votes, comments, and suggestions.
Lori Palmer says:
Don –
I prefer version A with the story description at the forefront. I also like the green better than orange.
Donald Jay says:
Thanks, Lori.
Ben Waggoner says:
Version A, hands down. For me, the purpose of a blurb is to introduce me to the main character and perhaps a supporting character or two and give me enough of a peek that I’m going to care about the conflict they’re going to face as the story progresses and peaks. Version B starts with a review, which doesn’t pique my interest at all. I don’t care if it’s been called “a roller coaster ride.” I want the blurb to open the door to the story for me, not tell me what other people think of it, implying that I should enter already having the same opinion of it. Version A does a superb job of introducing Cheyenne and making me care about the challenge she faces.
But that’s just me. Other people’s mileage may vary.
Donald Jay says:
Thanks, Ben.
Dianna says:
Hey Don. I also prefer version A. I think you should add “VT” to the location because setting it in Vermont (at least for me) makes it more concrete. Otherwise I think it’s great and I feel like it’s a good representation of the story. I want to read it. 🙂
Donald Jay says:
Hi, Dianna. I agree, VT should be added. Thanks
Spike Rendalls says:
Version A is better, because it’s more personable from the beginning. I’ve seen other book blurbs start by describing the story as a “roller coaster ride” or similar, and that always feels like marketing verbiage. I do expect your book to be very fun and hard to put down, but I don’t want to have too much adrenaline coursing through my veins as I read it before bedtime!
Donald Jay says:
Thanks, Spike! Great to hear from you.
Jan Stephens says:
Hi Don,
I vote for A. I think your first paragraph there is intriguing enough, offers enough food for curiosity, to pull readers in. It flows very well too, from hook to swallow–Made me want to read and find out what really did happen!
Donald Jay says:
Thanks, Jan. It’s great to hear from you.
Theda says:
I prefer Version A. Version B starts out with someone else’s opinion of the book, which I generally dismiss. (I’ll form my own opinion, thank you, lol)
Version A takes me directly into the story – the plot, the characters, and some of the special features of this story. Version A is the one that will encourage me to read this book.
Donald Jay says:
Thanks, Theda. That’s great input.